


Little Do You Know

by yrrosoban



Series: I made a wish & You came true [3]
Category: NCT (Band), We Go Up - NCT Dream (Music Video)
Genre: First Love, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mental Breakdown, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Break Up, Sad Lee Jeno, Sad Na Jaemin, Soft Park Jisung (NCT), jaemsung, nomin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28668300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yrrosoban/pseuds/yrrosoban
Summary: Jeno came back to Seoul to look for the love that once he left behind, only to find the empty shell of the person he loved more than anything.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Na Jaemin/Park Jisung
Series: I made a wish & You came true [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100885
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	1. Meet Again

**Author's Note:**

> This one was inspired by the song [Little Do You Know](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bzIpYiPUUo) by Alex & Sierra.

Little do you know   
How I'm breaking while you fall asleep   
Little do you know   
I'm still haunted by the memories   
Little do you know   
I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece   
Little do you know   
I need a little more time   
Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside   
I've been holding back   
For the fear that you might change your mind   
I'm ready to forgive you, but forgetting is a harder fight   
Little do you know   
I need a little more time 

-Little Do You Know

(Alex & Sierra) 

Jeno stared at familiar face behind the cash counter as his mind raced a thousand mile to process a simple greeting to utter out. But the younger beat him to it. 

“Hey... You're back...” 

Jeno thought he was ready. Ready to face Jaemin after three years when he decided to finally come back from Canada. But he wasn't sure anymore now that both sat in front of each other silently. Jaemin had taken a break few minutes ago & joined Jeno's table with a brownie for Jeno as a treat. Jeno being the nervous idiot uttered out a small “Oh! For me?” even though Jaemin placed it in front of Jeno. Jaemin just gave him a small smile. A smile Jeno wasn't used to. A smile that didn't reach Jaemin's eyes. A smile that just made Jeno felt like an outsider. 

The thing was, it was never really uncomfortable being in silence when Jeno was with Jaemin. They had their share of silent moments, just basking in each others presence as Jeno simply used to lay on Jaemin's lap while reading a book & Jaemin's finger's slowly, softly threaded themselves with the older's hairs, playing with them. It was never awkward or uncomfortable... Until now. 

Jeno mentally cursed himself, for being so awkward with the younger. He glanced at the younger, & flushed a bit when he saw Jaemin still staring at him. “When did you come back?” Jeno got a bit startled when suddenly Jaemin spoke up in a soft voice, but soon masked his surprised expression as he replied back, “It’s just been a week.” Jeno had been expecting the younger to ignore him or scream at him, calling him names actually. Jeno had been mentally preparing himself for that, but here was Jaemin sitting in front of him, nodding at Jeno's reply. Jeno wanted to start a new conversation, so he simply slid the brownie in front of the younger, offering him to take a bite, which clearly surprised Jaemin before he politely refused. 

“Thanks.. But I don't eat sweet things anymore...” 

Jeno immediately apologised as he pulled back the black treat in front of him with an understanding nod. Na Jaemin didn't eat sweet things, this was something new to Jeno. Jeno vividly remembered the times when he had to force the younger not to eat sugar cubes & pastries saying Jaemin was gonna lose his teeth soon. Jeno remembered how he would cringe at the sight of Jaemin straight out putting a sugar cube inside his mouth & chew it like it was a peace of heaven in disguise. He always used to complain about the sounds came from his mouth when Jaemin would crush the cube with his teeth, saying he felt goosebumps at that. He remembered how Jaemin would always sneak some candies & sugar cubes in a small zip packet to their classes saying he needed those to concentrate. He remembered how Jaemin’s lips would taste like candied peach, when Jeno would pull him inside the restroom after their classes, saying he needed Jaemin's kisses to concentrate. He remembered how Jaemin would smile in between the kisses whispering, “Stop copying me idiot!” 

And now... Jaemin said he didn't like sweet? Jeno looked up from the treat in front of him, at Jaemin, who was now looking outside through the glass wall that separated the cafe from the busy sidewalk. Jeno silently stared at the other, observing his features once again after 3 years. Jaemin still looked the same. He still had the same soft hairs that Jeno would die to play with again. He looked still the same, except his jawline was sharper now, more prominent. There was hint of maturity at his face now. Making him more attractive. Jaemin's lips...they still reminded Jeno of the pink rose petals, pink, thin & soft. 

Suddenly Jaemin looked back at Jeno. Making Jeno finally notice his eyes. Doe eyes with flattering eyelashes. But something was missing from those eyes. His eyes used to sparkle with curiosity & excitement all the time. They used to twinkle like stars when they looked at Jeno. Jeno felt uneasy when Jaemin's eyes didn't twinkle or sparkle anymore. They looked....dull to Jeno. Three years later, Jaemin was still the same, but different. A different that Jeno didn't like. 

“You’ve changed a bit.” Jeno blurted out suddenly before he could stop himself. Jaemin blankly stared at him for a few seconds before he nodded slowly. 

“Isn't it normal to change though? It's been a long time after all.” 

Jeno was about to say something when suddenly one of Jaemin's co-worker called out Jaemin's name, indicating his break was over. Jeno felt like stopping the younger when he saw Jaemin slowly readying himself to get up, but he sat still. It wasn't their dorm or college that Jeno would ask the younger to stay a few minutes more. It was Jaemin's workplace. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve to go now. But it was really nice to see you again.” Jaemin offered a smile that Jeno felt like a practiced one. Like the ones Jaemin would offer to his other customers, & Jeno didn't like it. Was Jaemin really that upset to see him? 

“No it's okay! I understand! Let's meet some other time.” Jeno stood up too as he said that, hoping Jaemin would say sure or yes. Any positive answer would work for Jeno. But his hopes got crushed when Jaemin hesitated to answer, before saying it out loud, 

“I don't think.... That would be necessary Jeno. Take care.” 

Jeno stared at Jaemin figure slowly walking away from the table. Jeno. Didn't Jaemin use to call him Jen? Didn't he used to call him Nono with aegyo whenever he wanted something from Jeno? 

Oh. Right. Jaemin didn’t want anything from Jeno now. Jeno was now suddenly a familiar stranger in Jaemin’s life. Jeno... He wasn’t Jaemin’s Nono anymore. Jeno suddenly felt sick, his stomach started to twist when a co-worker of Jaemin suddenly grabbed Jaemin’s hand & playfully dragged him inside the kitchen area. Were they just co-workers? 

And Jeno felt like laughing at himself for thinking so. 

He wanted to laugh at himself, how the tables had turn now, that this time Jaemin was the one to walk away, leaving Jeno behind. 

Jeno scanned the whole cafe as soon as he stepped inside to find a certain chocolate head. He frowned a bit, when he didn't find Jaemin anywhere. Was Jaemin late today? Jeno had been coming here for past 2 weeks regularly hoping to see Jaemin & if his luck favoured then may be Jaemin would talk to him again. At first Jaemin would nod at him in acknowledgement, but one day Jaemin suddenly stared at Jeno asking why was he here everyday at the same time. Jeno nervously laughed as he replied that he had a project going on somewhere near the cafe, so he would just get his coffee from here before he headed there. Jaemin seemed to buy it as he slowly nodded & handed him the receipt with a small “Have a good day”. 

Jeno slowly walked up to the counter to order his Cappuccino, & kinda frowned when he saw who was it behind the counter. It was the same person, Jaemin's co- worker who always keeps touching hugging the younger making Jeno jealous as hell. Jeno tried to change his expression to a blank one when he reached the counter, but failed miserably when he saw Jaemin's co-worker raising an eyebrow at him. 

“You're that upset to see me? Or you’re just disappointed that ‘He’ isn't here today?” 

Jeno immediately flushed when got caught making the person behind the counter chuckle out, “Same one? Cappuccino with low sugar?” Jeno just nodded as he tried to look somewhere else. “Don’t worry... Jaemin is a slow-poke. He didn't notice yet.” Jeno glanced at the barista as the latter extended his hand to give the receipt to Jeno. Jeno took it with a tight lipped smile & was about to go when the barista spoke up again, “You should try some other coffee's which are bitter. He likes his coffee bitter.” Barista said with a teasing smile making a small genuine smile break into Jeno's face as he looked back at the barista, then to his nameplate. 

“Well Donghyuck, I've tried his death drink of 8 shots of expresso with no sugar many times. I'm not wasting my money for that again in my life, at least for me.” 

Donghyuck was about to reply, but suddenly his eye averted to something or someone behind Jeno, making him frown. 

“Jisung? What are you doing here now?! Don't you have exam today?!” Donghyuck asked a tall kid around 20/21, who just looked like he ran a mile here. 

“Yes I'll go there now! But hyung can you please go to Nana hyung now? & stay with him until I'm back? He's having his episodes again!” 

Donghyuck's eyes comically widened in worry & Jeno frowned at the information. What....what episodes? What are they talking about Nana? & this kid lives with Nana? A roommate? What happened to his family then? 

“Jisung you leave for uni now. I'll leave for your apartment in a few minutes, just let me inform Mark.” Donghyuck hurriedly went inside the kitchen as the kid left the cafe with a loud “Thank you”, leaving Jeno still in front of the counter trying to process what was happening. 

But one thing was sure, whatever was happening was bad, otherwise those two wouldn’t have reacted that way. 

In a few minutes Donghyuck was out in his casual dress with a bag slung over his shoulder as he hurriedly walked toward the door. Just as he was about step out Jeno suddenly stopped the other, 

“Let me go with you!” Jeno asked desperately. “But-” Donghyuck was hesitating. 

“Please... Let me see him.” 

That's how Jeno found himself sitting in front of sleeping Jaemin inside a small worn out flat in a rundown building with a shitty neighbourhood. Donghyuck had left half an hour ago when he got a call from his mother, that his sister's water broke. He was hesitant at first to leave Jaemin to Jeno, but somehow Jeno managed to convince him that Jaemin wouldn't mind seeing him here also mentioning that they had been roommates in uni. Jeno guessed the second reasoning worked for Donghyuck to leave Jaemin alone with him. 

Jeno worriedly glanced at the younger's sleeping state as he slowly carded his fingers through Jaemin' hair & mused on the softness of Jaemin's hair. 

They were still soft, just like the time when Jeno last touched them three years ago. He hesitantly brought his digits over Jaemin's face before moving them over Jaemin's hand. He slowly let his fingers touch the back of Jaemin's hand & smiled at the softness of his skin. Suddenly Jaemin stirred in sleep making Jeno retreat his hand back to himself, hoping the younger would go back to sleep again. 

But that didn't happen. Jaemin suddenly started to thrash around in his sleep as tears rolled down from the corner of his closed eyes. Jeno got startled when Jaemin suddenly let out a painful loud scream, making Jeno hover over the younger in panic. He tried to wake Jaemin up, but Jaemin's scream only got louder when Jeno touched his shoulder in an attempt to stop Jaemin from thrashing around. Jeno felt his heart beating erratically as tears started to pool in the corner of his eyes watching Jaemin like this. 

“Nana... It's me Jeno.. Nana wake up!” 

Jeno kept trying to wake the other up from his nightmares. Soon Jaemin's eyes flew open before he started to shout like a madman to let him go. Jeno instantly retreated his hands back before he held them up in the air showing he didn't mean any harm. As soon as he released Jaemin, the younger scurried back until his back met with the wall & pulled up his knees over his chest. Jaemin held his knees close to his chest as he dipped his head a bit while frantically darting his eyes everywhere with panic evident in his eyes. 

Jeno tried to blink back his tears before he took a deep breathe, stepping toward the bed. “Nana... It's me... Jeno... Your Nono...” Jeno softly said hoping the younger would finally come back to his sense hearing it was him, but Jaemin only tightened his arms around his knees as he vigorously shook his head. 

“No! Stay back! He's gone!” 

Jeno felt something sharp piercing through his heart when he heard what Jaemin said. He regretted every fucking day since he broke up with Jaemin & left for Canada with his father. Every single day in these three years he regretted leaving Jaemin behind, alone. But today, he regretted it more after hearing those painful cries of the younger, hearing younger not believing that Jeno came back for him. What happened to the Jaemin he left here? What happened to his Nana who used to wake up with a soft smile telling Jeno he had a good dream about them? 

“Na...Nana please...Just look at me once? It's me.. Nana... It's Jeno..” 

Jeno's voice broke at the end but Jaemin was still shaking his head vigorously not hearing a single word Jeno said. The tears he had been trying to hold back now threatened to escape as Jaemin's cry became louder & louder with each seconds. 

“GO AWAY! LEAVE ME! LEAVE!” 

Jaemin screamed again when Jeno tried to touch his hand in hope the younger would look at him. Jeno flinched back before he hastily pulled out his phone in panic to call for help when suddenly a loud noise of door closing echoed in the house followed by hurried footsteps. Soon the same kid from the morning came inside the room before rushing toward Jaemin without even sparing a glance at Jeno. 

“Hyung?! Ssshhh... It's okay hyung! It's me Jisung! I'm here now!” 

“Jisung! They are gonna hurt me! Jisung they're gonna-” 

Jeno helplessly saw how Jisung pulled Jaemin in his chest whispering that he was back, Jaemin was okay now, no one would hurt him. Jaemin screamed & struggled at first but soon he relaxed against the younger as his hands hesitantly circled around Jisung's torso. Jeno felt his heart ache at the scene in front of him. He felt like he was invading their privacy. He immediately averted his eyes from them before he turned back, ready to leave. 

It was painful already to see Jaemin in this state. & now seeing Jaemin finding comfort someone else's embrace, when Jeno was just in front of him it hurt more. Jeno was in front if him, but Jaemin.... His Jaemin didn't need him anymore. He hastily wiped the tears that finally escaped his eyes with the back of his hand before taking a stride toward the door, ready to leave the couple alone, but stopped immediately when a familiar broken voice whispered out his name. 

“Jeno.... Don’t....Leave...” 


	2. Silent Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeno hanging onto the hope that Jaemin would accept him again.

I'll wait, I'll wait   
I love you like you've never felt the pain, I'll wait   
I promise, you don't have to be afraid, I'll wait   
Love is here, and here to stay   
So lay your head on me

  
Little do you know   
I know you're hurt while I'm sound asleep   
Little do you know   
All my mistakes are slowly drowning me   
Little do you know   
I'm trying to make it better piece by piece   
Little do you know   
I, I love you 'til the sun dies

Little Do You Know (2 nd verse)

It's been a little more than 3months that Jaemin moved with Jeno after his  last episode. Well,  not really last time because he had his nightmares at least 3 or 4 times  every  month after he moved in with Jeno 3 months ago. 

It was almost  3 at night & Jeno was still with Jaemin . Jaemin was  sleeping on  Jeno's lap,  his tear stained  face nuzzled in  Jeno's stomach as Jeno's carded his fingers through Jaemin's soft hairs. A few hour ago both him & Jisung  ran inside Jaemin's room in panic hearing Jaemin's  screams.  As always it was tough to calm him down, but  Jeno had learned to manage & good thing that Jaemin now responds to his calls. Jisung's final was running , so Jeno ushered him out of Jaemin's room promising he'd call Jisung when if he needed help. 

Jisung was a wonderful kid.  He was  in 2 nd year of university currently , studying double major .  He even  got the  full free scholarship  because of his splendid results on both .  Sometimes Jeno  wondered  how the kid managed to top every single exam, even though he had to work nightshift in a shop to provide both him & Jaemin. Jaemin's earning wasn't really enough for both of them as a majority  of that went  to  Jaemin's hospital bills & therapy sessions.  So Jisung took a part time to help Jaemin out .

A soft smile made it to Jeno's lips when Jeno remembered how  excited  Jaemin was when he talked about Jisung dancing like a God.  Finally Jeno saw Jaemin's eyes twinkling when he talked about how Jisung could rival Jeno, & win without an effort. Jaemin was literally whipped for the kid, to the point he'd leave everything behind for the kid, & Jisung deserved that kind of love. After all Jisung did the same for Jaemin 3years ago, leaving his home to support Jaemin after the incident.

A heavy weight once again fell on Jeno's chest when he remembered about the  “incident” Jisung told him about Jaemin before Jaemin accepted Jeno's offer to move in with him. Jeno still found it hard to believe it  thag universe could be this cruel to a person like Jaemin , his Jaemin.  Jeno felt bitterness growing inside his chest when he realised he lost the right to call Jaemin his, a long time ago. & he lost every fucking chance to be with the younger, after what younger went through.

It  wouldn’t have happened if Jeno  had listen to Jaemin's cries to make him stay that day. It wouldn’t have happened if he let Jaemin say what he wanted to that day. It wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t  leave Jaemin alone that day & left the country at the same fucking night. While  he was trying to impress his father, Jaemin was suffering  here alone.

If he hadn't broke up with Jaemin, if he had decided to stay with Jaemin, if he  had  made Jaemin his first priority  then, how would have been the things now ? Would  all the dreams that Jaemin saw about them  have c a me true  now? They would  have been living in their  own fairy tale now, only if... Only if Jeno didn't l eav e. They could  build their  own little world, with their little girl....

A tear escaped Jeno's eyes  as soon as he thought about that. Their little girl , the token of their love, their baby girl... Who couldn’t even see the light of the day. A heart wrenching sob broke out from  Jeno as he hurriedly covered his mouth with one of his hand, hoping to muffle down the sound of his agony fearing Jaemin would wake up . Tears were now freely falling down from his  eyes  as every fibre in his body screamed at him for ruining his little girl's  life .  How could he let this happen? He was a loser of a father. Did he even had the right to call himself  a father when he didn't even know  about the existence of his daughter all these years even  though  she lived for a few months in Jaemin's womb .

It was Jaemin, who carried her for 6months. It was Jaemin who tried to save  her from his family when they asked Jaemin to go through abortion . It was Jaemin who begged those animals to spare his baby's life when they wrecked him again & again that day . It was  Jaemin who tried to save the token of their love  until everything went black in his vision. & it was then Jisung, who saved Jaemin from  bleeding to death in that dark alley. He was the one who supported Jaemin  since then, from saving his life to leaving his home to stay with Jaemin, help  Jaemin to  recover  from his loss, his  traumas for last three years, alone .  Jisung was with Jaemin all these years as  a  pillar of strength  for Jaemin, starting from when he was just a 18 year old teen. A 18 year teen did all that Jeno couldn’t do because he was afraid to  disappoint his father, his family.  So, even if it was  too  bitter for Jeno to accept it, he gulped it down & accepted it: Jisung deserved Jaemin's love. & now it didn't come as a surprise anymore that Jaemin agreed to move with him for Jisung, so that Jisung  could fully concentrate on his education & career instead of thinking  how to pay Jaemin's medical bills.  Jeno  knew Jaemin didn't want his money, it  bruised his ego . Bu t for Jisung he even sacrificed the last bit of  honour he had left in him , only for Jisung.

Jeno felt sorry. Sorry for  himself.  Sorry that he messed up his own life, his own happiness. Sorry that he was  just a fucking coward, who couldn't fight for his love. He was also sorry to Jaemin, even though it meant nothing now. He was sorry to his little girl, who was forced to leave this world , even though she was just a n  innocent child. He was sorry to Jisung, that he had to mature way before  he  was supposed to.

Sorry  to everyone,  because his one wrong  decision,  turned everything  upside-down .

“Je-Jeno...?”

Jeno tried to stop his tears when he heard Jaemin calling him still in his sleepy state. He cursed himself mentally for waking the younger up at the middle of the night when Jaemin just went to sleep barely an hour ago. 

“ Jeno...Are you crying?”

As if Jaemin's voice was a trigger to Jeno's agony, he started to sob louder as he kept apologising  to the younger whole hiding his  contorted  face behind his palms. His sobs sounded ugly to his own ears, as he  cried his eyes out from the guilt.  Jaemin didn't ask  him anything anymore, not even the reason why Jeno was crying. Jaemin groggily  sat up before repositioning  himself in front of Jeno. And without any word he hugged the crying male, making Jeno cry more. 

“It's gonna be okay...”

Jeno couldn’t tell if Jaemin had understood  the reason behind his ugly cries, but  it clenched his heart knowing Jaemin still cared for him after all these. Jaemin still  forgave Jeno even though he was the reason  it all started ,  from Jaemin being thrown out from his own home to the mental torture of all these years. Jaemin had always been like this,  loving & forgiving to anyone & everyone. But could Jaemin ever forget the pains Jeno caused him?  Was it too hard to restart? 

Jeno's cries stopped after a while, & Jaemin fell asleep while hugging the other. Jeno nuzzled his face on Jaemin's shoulder as he silently hugged back the younger as  tightly  as  he could without hurting Jaemin in the process . Jeno hugged Jaemin close to his heart as if Jaemin was the source to his life. Soon Jeno felt small wet patches on his shoulder .

Jaemin was crying in his sleep again.

Jeno  tightened his arms around the younger before he pulled Jaemin on his lap properly , now Jaemin's head was straight above Jeno's heart.

“You’ll be okay Nana... You'll be okay...”

Jeno softly whispered even though he was sure Jaemin couldn’t listen any of it in his sleep. But that didn't stop Jeno from uttering soft, comforting words at Jaemin.

Jeno felt tired, as sleepiness  slowly took over his whole body.  He glanced at the wall clock. It was almost 5am. He softly  held one of Jaemin's hands before Jeno interlocked his finger with Jaemin's.  He felt a bit content. Only a bit, that after all these Jaemin was here with him, giving  Jeno a chance to be in his life again . Jeno felt his  eyes slowly clos ing a s his head fell back on the headboard.  He was almost losing himself to sleep when he again felt small wet patches ,  over his chest this time.

Jaemin was crying again, while Jeno  was loosing himself to sleep with  guilt in his heart.

Just before he lost completely against sleep, he made a promise that night.

A promise to himself  that he was gonna try . Try to slowly mend his former lover's broken life & broken heart again. 

Even if his love wouldn’t be reciprocated  anymore. 

Even if Jaemin would never be  his anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me here~
> 
> [Nabo’s here!](https://curiouscat.me/yrrosoban)


End file.
